Love and Heal Yourself
Most of you landed on this page because of your own pregnancy loss experience. Let me start by sending my deepest sympathy to you. The array of emotions you may be feeling is natural. It is also equally important to honor your grief process, whatever that looks like for you. It’s true, pregnancy loss is very common, but the topic for recovery and after-care is not. In fact, 1 in 4 women who conceive a child will bear a miscarriage, yet this hardship is diminished by our doctors and the resources to women is underwhelming.
I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone.
My mission is to provide healing resources for those who’ve experienced pregnancy loss and to bridge the community of women who feel lost and isolated postpartum. I hope this page can help guide you through your healing process and journey to find peace and comfort.
Here’s my story:
When I experienced my first miscarriage, I felt so alone. Yes, my husband, Jeremy, was also going through the loss, but there was a disconnect between the two of us when it came to understanding the changes my body was undergoing. I formed an undeniable bond both physically and emotionally while carrying the baby within my body, and when I lost that, I felt overwhelmingly isolated. People tell you to find ways to grieve properly, but I had no idea what that meant or looked like. It seemed easier to bottle my emotions and move on rather than confronting my grief and allowing myself to mourn. So, that’s exactly what I did, I went about life as-is.
Soon after my miscarriage we found out we were pregnant again. I was grateful for this new baby, but a piece of me felt guilty for being so happy. In retrospect, I now know these conflicting emotions coincided because I hadn’t found a way to properly honor my first baby. As the holiday season begun and the anniversary of my first baby’s due date quickly approached, my state of sadness struck again. I had no idea the amount of emotion I repressed, and it certainly wasn’t the healthiest mindset while I was pregnant. In effort to cope with the loss of our first baby, Jeremy and I decided to make an ornament in honor of our little one that grew wings far too early. It was a healing way to honor our baby.
Fast forward 9 months after our son was born-when Jeremy and I decided not to have another biological child and if/when we were ready for more kids, we agreed on fostering or adopting. This was the plan we had for ourselves, however, God was telling us otherwise. Again, I learned I was pregnant. Although I was a bit confused, I was even more excited. Jeremy and I started making plans for our family of four. After giving birth to William, I became SO in tuned with my body, so I felt so much more connected to this pregnancy and baby. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew I was pregnant with a girl. I even had a dream that she came to visit me. On the contrary, Jeremy had a much different intuition and kept urging me to take another pregnancy test. When I agreed to take another test, unfortunately the results came back negative and this unplanned joy came to an end all to early.
My heart ached with disbelief. I didn’t want to accept the raw truth I lost my baby, another precious baby. When I started bleeding the next day, I couldn’t deny what was happening. I knew I was having another miscarriage. The doctor didn’t offer any condolences, and instead spewed out facts about how common this is and how many women who experience this never knew they were pregnant in the first place. He then suggested that my husband and I should have a discussion about contraception.
If your experience was anything like mine you were probably left with many unanswered questions, and an array of unsettled emotions. It was at that time, after my second miscarriage that I decided I wasn’t going to allow time to pass without properly healing myself and honoring my baby the way I should have the first time. I started with self-reflection and healing my mental state. Through my meditations, I allowed myself to surrender to my emotions and acknowledge my underlying grief. I was able to reach a point of peace and acceptance, a place that seem so distant during my time of struggle. Once I was able to achieve this for myself, I knew I needed to share the meditations with the community of women and families that have experienced pregnancy loss in hope that they too can find some peace or way to honor their little ones.
Free Pregnancy Loss Meditations
These meditations are outlined in the order that I believe will optimize your healing progression, but feel free to read over each synopsis and intuitively follow the order you see best fit for your personal journey. These meditations may trigger unexpected emotions to arise, but please honor and surrender to anything that surfaces during your meditations. I suggest you permit adequate time after each meditation to process any emotions and allow time for yourself in this healing journey. Whether you experienced your pregnancy loss recently, or years ago, these meditations can be heavy and release emotions you didn’t know you were carrying inside of you. It is recommended that you let a loved one know that you are going to be processing your loss and may need support during this healing time.
